Taking On Too Much

I think I've officially reached the point where I can admit, even to myself, that I have a problem.

Just before leaving for college, Abby made me a packet of posters to hang on my desk. It was filled with inspirational quotes, pictures, nice sayings, and otherwise pleasing viewing material. The one not-so-subtle lesson she included in this packet was the full sized sheet of paper reading nothing more than the word "NO" in size 72 font. Like I said, not-so-subtle.

I have a hard time saying no. This was true then. This is true now. I have this issue with letting people down, and I agree to do things that I have absolutely no interest in doing, just to avoid that sense of letting them down after they've asked me to do them. So I agree. I tell myself it "won't be so bad" and that "it'll be worth it in the long run." And then it's terrible. I wonder what in all hell I was thinking agreeing to do this. And then the self-loathing begins.

The problem is that I agree to do things, despite the recommendations and suggestions and concerns of the people close to me, and then I complain about how horrific it is that I've agreed to do them to these very same people.

KC has been trying to help me move past this problem for the last few weeks. Kace, I think I'll refer you to Abby (among others) who've been trying to help me move past this problem for years. It's possible, though, just maybe possible, that I've finally reached my limit.

Hi. My name is Rachel. And I can't say no.